girlfriend

Should I date someone I met online?

/ Break Up Coach / 3 Comments

Online dating has always gotten a bad rep because there are a lot of people out there who ruin it for us. What with reports regarding date rape and the spread of HIV, who wouldn’t be scared of dating someone you meet online? Especially if you’re a woman on the prowl.

But here’s what they don’t tell you.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.

There will always be bad people walking this planet. Your job is to look out for yourself and detect when something isn’t quite right.

On the flip side of things, there are far more good people in this world than there are bad. What if it works out? What if this person is the one you’re looking for? Then you would definitely regret not having given him/her a chance to get to know you. Whether or not the relationship built transcends into something romantic, at least you have gained a new friend, or a new member of your network.

I know of several people who have successful relationships borne from the internet. There are those who live continents apart and managed to make it work. There are even those that never blossomed into romance, but they ended up being good friends or even business partners. Technology should be used to communicate and forge relationships that would never have happened.

But how do you go on a date with someone you met online without being paranoid? Here are a couple of tips.

  • Find a common friend. I generally would trust someone I met online if we had at least ONE common friend who could vouch for him. Before a date, I would probably milk said common friend of any information I could get so I would know what to expect.
  • But what if you don’t have a common friend? Establish a relationship with him online for a little longer. It’s important that you get to know more personal details about your date for security and safety purposes. In the event you do decide to go out with him, you should leave any information that you can with a trusted friend. This way, if anything bad comes up, they would know where to find you.
  • Take a photo of your date and send it to your friend. Again, for emergency purposes.
  • Don’t try to over impress him. If you’re interested, it’s best to show him the real you instead of putting up a front. When you’re yourself, you enjoy the experience so much more. Remember: at the end of the day, your goal is to gain a new friend, and not necessarily a new boyfriend just yet.
  • Wear something comfortable. There’s nothing more annoying than having to pull down your skirt when it climbs up your butt, or having to constantly cover your cleavage. Trust me, your dating experience will fare much better when you dress more comfortably and decently rather than slutty. This way, you also won’t be bothered by your date constantly checking out your chest.
  • Have fun. This is a choice. It’s your choice to make the most of any experience and online dating turned real life is no different. Stop overanalyzing every single move he makes and just take it for what it is. If you’re worried about the kind of impression you’re making, he probably is too. Relax and enjoy. Treat him like you would a friend and everything will be easier.

xoxo,

Cristine

 

Gifts to Get HIM for Christmas

/ Break Up Coach / Leave a comment

Looking for a Christmas gift for him? Not sure what to get? Not sure if he will love it? Personally, I think that buying gifts for men is frustratingly challenging. I mean, how many shoes can he possibly want? How many more gadgets does he need? To make it easier for you, I compiled a list of COOLER THAN COOL gifts to get for him this Christmas. Whether it be your husband, boyfriend and even your Dad or little brother. To suit all budgets. Click on the photos to order hassle-free!

Happy shopping!

1. Apple iPhone X, Fully Unlocked 5.8″, 256 GB – Silver

$ 1, 394

2.Kodak Dock & Wi-Fi 4×6″ Photo Printer with Advanced Patent Dye Sublimation Printing Technology & Photo Preservation Overcoat Layer – Compatible with Android & iOS

$139.99

3.Prynt Pocket, Instant Photo Printer for iPhone – Cool Grey (PW310001-CG)

$ 149.99

4.Tom Ford Black Orchid Cologne by Tom Ford for Men. Eau De Parfum Spray 1.7 Oz / 50 Ml Unboxed

$ 146.36

5.Versace Collection Men’s Leather Belt (32us / 85eu, Black)

$ 225

6. Liquor Decanter – Scotch Whiskey Decanter – 1150ml Dispenser for Alcohol – Vodka, Bourbon, Rum, Wine, Whiskey, Tequila or Even Mouthwash – Glass (Constellation1797 from Prestige Decanters)

$120

7. Patek Philippe Cufflinks

$ 79.99

8. Love your Mondays and Retire Young

$ 14.66

9. Timex Men’s T49905 Expedition Rugged Field Chronograph Black/Brown Leather Strap Watch

$ 51.61

10. Nike Mens Sportswear Pull Over Club Hooded Sweatshirt – Medium – Black/White

$ 47. 99

11. Mens Nike Air Monarch IV Training Shoe White/Metallic Silver/Midnight Navy Size 11

$ 66.45

 

12. Air Jordan Ultimate Gift Of Flight Pantone Pack Retro XI Men’s Shoes Blue/White/Black 717602-900 (11 D(M) US)

$ 1,061.50

13. Audio Technica AT-LP60BK Fully Automatic Belt-Drive Stereo Turntable, Black

$ 89.00

13. 90L Large Travel Hiking Camping Military Tactical Backpack Rucksack Luggage Bag

$ 63.97

14. Marshall Stockwell Portable Bluetooth Speaker with Case, Black (4091451)

$ 198

15. Bluetooth Headphones, Wireless Earbuds Stereo Earphone Cordless Sport Headsets for Apple AirPods iphone 8, 8 plus, X, 7, 7 plus, 6s, 6S Plus -White

$ 72.99

*******

 

Is This The Reason So Many Relationships Fail?

/ Break Up Coach / Leave a comment

Eli Finkel, a US university professor specializing in social psychology reckons there’s a very common reason modern relationships fail—and it’s all about our expectations. In an interview with The Atlantic about his new book The All-or-Nothing Marriage, Finkel explained he considers many people in relationships too idealistic.

Basically, rather than just being content that our partner provides us with a spare pair of hands to sort out the home and go about our daily lives, we’re expecting them to be everything to us.

We are, he reckons, demanding WAY too much of them. A lot of modern couples expect their significant other to love them because, duh, but also to “help them grow” and become our best selves. We want them to make us feel attractive, smart, hilarious, sexy, basically all the things all the time. And this, he says, is putting so much pressure on our relationships that we are totally screwing them up.

Why though? Finkel says in the past 100 years, marriage and relationship expectations have blurred due to cultural changes.

In his The Atlantic interview, he said:

“I would just urge everybody, think about what you’re looking for from this one relationship and decide, are these expectations realistic in light of who I am, who my partner is, [and] what the dynamics that we have together are? If so, how are we going to achieve all of these things together? Or alternatively, how can we relinquish some of these roles that we play in each others’ lives, and outsource them to, say, another member of your social network?”

What he’s saying is, in order to not overload your partner with expectations, you probs could maybe go to a pal or family member for the assurances your partner can’t give you. And that’s totally fine.

He continues:

“The question isn’t, ‘Are you asking too much?’ The question is, ‘Are you asking the appropriate amount, in light of the nature of the relationship right now? ‘The idea of ‘going all-in’ is, ‘Hell yes. I want to ask my spouse to help make me feel loved and give me an opportunity to love somebody else and also [be] somebody who’s going to help me grow into an ideal, authentic version of myself. And I’m going do the same for him or her. I recognize that that is a massive ask, and because I recognize that that’s a massive ask I’m going to make sure that we have sufficient time together. That when we’re together we’re paying sufficient attention to each other, that the time that we’re investing in the relationship is well-spent.'”

So if Finkel’s theory is true, we need to accept most of our expectations are a tad too much. In order to avoid constant disappointment and inevitably, the end of our relationship, we need to not pile too much pressure on that one person.

**********

By: Paisley Gilmour for Cosmopolitan

How to Deal When Your Woman Earns More Than You?

/ Break Up Coach / Leave a comment

As a female lawyer, I’m one of the lucky ones. I am blessed to have a partner who understands the career choice that I have made and doesn’t give me flak for it. He never makes me feel that I should tone down my intelligence and for me, that’s why our relationship works. Even though I potentially earn more than he does on a regular basis.

But when I was in lawschool, I dated men who just couldn’t deal. My ex boyfriend would constantly feel insecure that I would leave him for someone else more successful and stereotypically career-driven. He was a graphic artist you see, and didn’t make a considerable amount of cash since any project given was mostly based on referrals. While I understood his situation and only cared for how he treated me, my ambitions and his just didn’t match. He was happy where he was, and while I was fine with that, he constantly prevented me from reaching my own goals. Needless to say, that relationship failed.

Fast forward to today, and I am constantly being asked how my man deals.

Here’s our thoughts on the matter.

When the woman earns more than her man, the latter should just consider himself blessed. Society has always taught us to be inferior to men, but times have drastically changed and that isn’t the case. Men, on the other hand, have been bred to always be superior to women. But the truth is, we can do whatever men can, if not better. We can raise a family on our own without their help. We aren’t confined anymore to the four corners of a regular household. These days you see women in male dominated industries. You see women in the legal profession, racing cars, arguing with fellow politicians in the Senate, building businesses, or shooting guns at military camps.

So what does this mean for the man? If her personality trumps yours, you only have two options. Whether you stay where you are. Or go where she is going. If you have a woman earning more than you, you tend to be more inspired to hustle. You are now made aware that being inferior just won’t cut it. That being mediocre won’t pay the bills. Instead of sulking about your current situation, use the influence your partner has over you to motivate you and push you harder to achieve your own goals.

Real men are not intimidated by a woman’s success. They step up to meet it.

I have many female lawyer friends who are single but they are wonderful women. They’re gorgeous, smart and have an amazing sense of humour to boot. But they’re single because no man could ever deal with their ambitions. But here’s what I always tell them:

A relationship is a partnership and not a competition.

It’s okay to be single instead of being with someone who sees you as a competitor. From how I see it, when any relationship leads to marriage, having an intelligent, career-driven woman helps the man deal with managing the household more efficiently. The bills are paid and obligations are shared. As a bonus, since the woman has something going for her, there would also be less time for conflict. She won’t feel like she’s selling herself short and is less likely to start blaming her partner for not being able to go after her own dreams.

In my current relationship, we hardly ever argue. I chalk it up to the fact that because we have our own respective careers to think of, there’s just no room for negativity. Instead of berating each other and putting each other down, we lift each other up. Instead of blaming each other, we share the blame for any bumps on the road. Instead of arguing over any financial hiccups, we find a way to get out of it… together.

Train yourself to always see the positive and the good of every situation. If you’re with an intelligent woman, congratulations! You found yourself an amazing partner who won’t settle for mediocrity. Consider her a blessing to keep you on track towards making your dreams come true. And if you’re a woman reading this, never spread yourself too thin. The world is yours. And let no man tell you otherwise.

xoxo,

Cristine.

 

9 Tips For Surviving a Long-Distance Relationship

/ Break Up Coach / Leave a comment

As someone who was in a long-distance relationship for two years and is now currently in another one, I know all the pains that come with being in an LDR all too well. Sure, distance makes the heart grow fonder, but it also downright sucks. It’s not the most frugal dating option, not to mention how difficult it is to not be able to see your significant other anytime you want. Although long-distance relationships aren’t the easiest, they aren’t impossible to survive either — as long as you keep these nine things in mind.

  1. Assume that it’s going to be really tough: Let’s just get this one out of the way. It’s great to have a positive attitude going into a long-distance relationship, but you should also expect to encounter many bumps along the way. Once you embrace the challenge, you’ll be better equipped to get through the more difficult moments and won’t be as tempted to give up when you’re put to the test.
  2. Always have your next visit planned: You need to give yourselves something to look forward to. Each time you reunite, discuss when the next time you’ll be seeing each other will be. Secure the date, add it to your calendars, and start counting down.
  3. Facetime as much as you can: Trust me, seeing each other face to face will help your relationship more than a phone call can — even if it’s just through a screen. It’s obviously not the same as being together in person, but it’s the next best thing you’ve got. It’ll also make you more focused on your conversation without being able to multitask as easily.
  4. Woo each other: Surprise each other with mailed letters, homemade goodies, or any other thoughtful things you can imagine. Think of how your relationship was when you two first started dating and pull out all the stops. Small and sweet gestures can go a long way.
  5. Make your visits count: You don’t get time together often so when you do see each other, take full advantage. This doesn’t mean you always have to have an extravagant plan on hand; being present is enough. Put your phones away and give each other the time and attention you don’t often get to enjoy.
  6. Celebrate the little things: And this includes cheesy holidays you’d normally skip if you were together. Celebrating personal accomplishments, relationship milestones, and even National Pizza Day together while apart will help you both feel more connected. Plus, it’ll also give you an excuse to make a visit or do something nice for one another.
  7. Get a travel rewards card ASAP: Spending money on visits can really add up, so you might as well rack up points you can use towards your next trip. Most credit cards come with bonus miles when you first sign up, while some come with companion fare tickets, so be sure to take advantage of all the perks.
  8. Make your visits a vacation opportunity: Instead of flying into their hometown, pick a city to meet in! It’ll allow you two to experience new places together and make visits even more fun.
  9. Be in it to win it: If only one of you is fully invested in making your long-distance relationship work, it won’t. Like any other successful relationship, it takes two willing partners. Make sure this is something you both equally desire because giving halfhearted effort just won’t cut it. You should also have a serious conversation about what you both expect out of this relationship. How long are you both willing to endure long-distance? Is relocating an option? Envision a future together and create a game plan to make it happen. If you both want it, you’ll make it work!

******

By: Nicole Yi for Popsugar

10 Stupidly-Simple Things All Women Want in Bed

/ Break Up Coach / 2 Comments

Everybody has different taste in bed, but there are a few things that are pretty universal. If you want to make sex better for your partner, start here.

1. A partner invested in my pleasure too. A woman is not your hand, a fleshlight, or any other masturbatory aid. Don’t just use her body till you orgasm and then roll over and assume she had a great time too, because that’s not how it works. Being a good partner is about putting in equal effort. You don’t want to be the person who bailed on the group project all semester, just to swoop in and take credit for the A at the end.

2. Peace of mind when it comes to protection. Be prepared, and assume we’re doing it with a condom unless otherwise agreed upon beforehand. Don’t pressure me to take it off halfway through or look at me dumbfounded with your dick hanging out of your pants like you’ve never heard the word “condom” before. Just don’t do it! I will walk out. I really will.

3. An orgasm. Sex shouldn’t end with just the male orgasm — especially if she hasn’t had one yet. If you’re going to be too exhausted after you orgasm, make sure she’s taken care of beforehand. It’s not rocket science. If you know, for sure, you’re going to get yours, wouldn’t you want your partner to enjoy herself too?

4. Communication. There’s a time and a place for wordlessly-grunty sex, but having a partner who asks if you’re into something or if you want it another way is also nice. You don’t get any extra points for making it to the finish line without saying a peep.

5. A clean bed. It’s really, really hard to let yourself go and enjoy yourself if you can feel your calves brushing up against any sedimentary layers of sweat, grime, and hookups past on his Target comforter with every grunt.

6. A spare phone charger. If I have to call an Uber afterwards, I want to be able to listen to music or check Twitter on my ride back, and I can’t do that if I stupidly let my phone just rot for the nine and a half minutes we had sex. And if I’m staying the night, I might still want to check Twitter if you fall asleep before me. Sue me!

7. Foreplay. It’s not a race to the finish line! You can take your time and draw stuff out and enjoy yourselves. A little patience will carry you a long, long way. Besides, if the orgasm was the only thing that mattered about sex, I’d be dating the USB brick that charges my vibrator.

8. Sock removal. Please, please remove your socks before sex. It’s just so weird to see someone like, fully naked but still wearing socks that it can really take you out of the moment. Plus, then you run into the weird thing of like, “Should I have left my socks on?” “Do they not like feet?” “Do they think my feet are ugly?!” and spiraling into a hole of foot-based anxiety, which is not a place anybody likes to be.

9. Realistic expectations. Please don’t climb into bed with me just to morph from Jake in Accounting to Ron Jeremy. Porn sex is cool and all, but real life sex isn’t always like that, and I resent the notion that it’s totally normal for a guy to flip you over wordlessly and try to stick it in your ass while calling you a dirty slut and telling you he’s gonna finish in your hair. Like, we just watched three episodes of Frasier on your laptop, stop acting like your convertible 2-bed is a sex dungeon. Chill.

10. Enthusiastic cunnilingus. Self explanatory.

*****

By: Carina Hsieh for Cosmopolitan

6 Reasons You Should Absolutely Delete All Those Photos With Your Ex

/ Break Up Coach / 1 Comment

When The Weeknd deleted all hints of Selena from his Instagram, people definitely noticed. Compared to the fact that both celebrities immediately returned to their respective celebrity exes, this part of the breakup was by far the most relatable. Who hasn’t purged selfies with their now-ex? It can feel dramatic and cathartic.

But clearing out digital memories can also be complicated. According to Dr. Jesse Fox, Assistant Professor in the School of Communication at Ohio State University, “the hardest part about being on social media in this situation is that your business becomes very public [during] a time when most people would prefer to keep things private. Everything you do is going to be scrutinized or interpreted by people in different ways.”

While getting rid of your ex’s photos on social media feels like it invites gossip, it’s actually a much healthier (and infinitely faster) way to get over the heartbreak. Here are seven reasons to absolutely do it:

1. Staring at your photos might make you forget why you broke up in the first place.

According to a study by Dr. Fox and Dr. Robert S. Tokunaga on “Romantic Partner Monitoring After Breakups,” keeping tabs on an ex on social media led to “greater current distress over the breakup, more negative feelings, more sexual desire, more longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth.” And even if you unfriended them, holding onto the flawlessly-filtered highlight reel of your relationship does you no favors.

“You have a higher desire to be back in the relationship because you’re looking at the best times,” says Dr. Fox. “You’re getting this rose-colored view of what your relationship was like, and if you’re constantly reminding yourself of it, it’s going to be harder to move on.”

2. It forces you to remember how much everyone else loved you as a couple, too.

Yes, your Eiffel Tower pic together is your most-liked Insta to date. It also needs to go. “There are other people’s recollections of your relationship that are really hard to avoid,” says Dr. Fox. “You get that social reinforcement when you’re in a relationship, so often seeing those comments and likes from friends, your partner’s family, or people you didn’t even know before you met your partner, can also be really stressful in the wake of a breakup.”

Hell is other people’s heart-eye emojis under your romantic beach grams. Delete, delete, delete.

3. Future partners might feel like you’re still into your ex.

According to Dr. Fox, “there’s such visibility of your former relationship to future partners” when you keep up old photos. Even if the breakup was a long time coming and ended mutually, your new Tinder date might worry when they see pics of you together from only a month ago.

“I would ask yourself why you want to keep them [on your profile]. What are other people going to get from seeing this information?”

4. It makes it so easy to creep on other aspects of your ex’s life.

Even if you unfollowed them on Instagram and spared yourself the unexpected updates on their lives, if they’re still tagged in your pics together, you’re only a click away from luring yourself back to their page. “It’s easily accessible – you go out and have two glasses of wine at happy hour and then it’s right there in your hand at any moment,” says Dr. Fox, who recommends taking the extra step of temporarily deleting the apps off your phone post-breakup. “If you take the apps off your phone, then you have to reinstall the apps, login, remember your password, and by the time you had to process and take all of those steps, hopefully you’ve gained a little mindfulness about the situation.”

Basically, when in doubt, block it all (at least for now).

5. If your ex is a remotely kind human, they’ll understand why you need to do it.

If your ex is capable of basic empathy, they won’t prioritize the optics of your past relationship over your emotional needs. “Have a conversation about it; maybe it’s better to de-friend each other or stop following each other for a little while,” says Dr. Fox. “And then when you’ve moved on and you’re not ruminating over the relationship, then you can make that connection again.”

And if your ex is the type of person who would gleefully screenshot your profile and brag about how hurt you must be if you deleted the pics: congratulations, you dodged a bullet. All the more reason to remove every trace of them from your phone.

6. There’s no good reason not to.

If you think you might want to look at the photos again someday, you can always save them on a hard drive that you don’t access right now. “It’s not that they necessarily have to disappear; you just need them out of your line of vision every day if you expect and want to get over the relationship,” says Dr. Fox.

Choosing to keep them up on your profile that you know you check multiple times a day is choosing to stall moving on – whether it comes denial that it’s really over, or denial that you maybe miss your ex, or just a general fear of people judging your post-breakup pain. If you truly want to live your life and reconnect with friends and one day be ready for a new relationship, the remnants of your old one only hold you back.

***

By:   for Cosmopolitan