Selena Gomez on WHY she took back Justin Bieber

Selena Gomez finally broke her silence on her rekindled romance with Justin Bieber. In an interview with Billboard, the 25-year-old singer opened up about why she was drawn back to her former flame and how things are different the second time around.

Gomez—who dated Bieber on-and-off from 2010 to 2014 and recently reconnected with him—cited time as the reason the two were able to spark things up again, despite a toxic romantic history.

“I’m 25. I’m not 18, or 19, or 20. I cherish people who have really impacted my life,” Gomez said. “So maybe before, it could have been forcing something that wasn’t right. But that doesn’t mean caring for someone ever goes away.”

 

The singer also referenced her reconnected friendships with former Disney Channel stars, such as Demi LovatoMiley Cyrus, and Nick and Joe Jonas, as other examples of how she’s developed a different outlook on life from when she first began dating Bieber.

“And [that goes for] people in general. I mean, I grew up with Demi. Nick and Joe and Miley—we’ve gone through seasons in our lives,” she said. “I don’t think it’s as serious as people make things out to be half the time. It’s just my life. I grew up with all of these people, and it’s so cool to see where everybody is. It comes back to the idea of me remaining full.”

Gomez also touched on her relationship with The Weeknd, who she dated for roughly 11 months before she reconnected with Bieber. Despite The Weeknd recently deleting all pictures with Gomez on social media, the “Fetish” singer insisted that the two are still friends.

“Something that I’m really proud of is that there’s such a true friendship,” Gomez said. “I truly have never experienced anything like that in my life. We ended it as best friends, and it was genuinely about encouraging and caring [for each other], and that was pretty remarkable for me.”

Though Gomez didn’t confirm nor deny her relationship with Bieber, from the sound of it, she did have a lot of nice things to say about him. We hope the two the best if they do decide to re-spark their relationship.

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From: Style Caster

When Your Spouse Doesn’t Like Your BFFs…

Remember those days when you first met your spouse and everything felt like springtime? Those initial months were full of all the best firsts—first dates, first smooches, first adventures, and of course, the first time you introduced him or her to the other “loves of your life”—your besties. In an ideal world, your pals like your partner just as much as you do, and vice versa. But when they don’t? It can wreak havoc not on the friendships, but rather, on your marriage, according to a new study.

For the study, researchers followed 355 heterosexual couples to determine the impact of friendships on marriage after 16 years. None of the couples was interracial, to rule out race as a potential source of tension). What the researchers found was fascinating: In white couples where the husbands liked their wife’s friends, 70 percent of couples were still together by the end of the study. However, in white couples where the husbands didn’t like their partner’s pals, only 50 percent remained together. For black couples, liking the friends didn’t seem to impact the relationship.

What do psychologists think of this theory? Sex and relationships therapist Courtney Geter, LMFT, CST says that connecting friend groups is an important aspect of a relationship, and not getting along with one another’s tribe can lead to arguments. “It is typical for spouses to bring up friends in conversations. If your husband makes a negative comment about your friends, you may feel unsupported or torn between two aspects of your life,” she explains. “If you don’t address your feelings and resolve the conflict, it could impact other areas of the relationship, such as enjoyment spent with your husband or even areas such as sex.”

The disapproval of your friend group is worse when it’s coming from your partner, whose opinion usually means more than anyone else’s. “This is the person that we love and trust the most, so their assessment of others around us matters to us,” says psychologist Nikki Martinez, PsyD, LCPC.” We want to know that they agree that someone is a good person, that they are likable, and that they enjoy being around them,” she says.

One possible reason we may be bumping into this problem more and more in recent years is that dating patterns have shifted from in-person to online. So whereas we used to meet people at parties or through friends, where there was already a built-in connection and like-mindedness, increasingly we’re meeting people on dating sites and apps, where there’s no such framework.

This Internet lens can be tricky to navigate, as your partner gets to know your friends not at a bar or a BBQ but via their profiles and posts, which can be heavily curated. “Social media does not provide a realistic view of another person’s life, as they are posting the best-looking or most exciting pictures and status updates about their lives,” Geter says. “Since there is a screen between you and the rest of the world, humans are more likely to make comments they typically wouldn’t make in person or they can avoid conflict resolution with one click of a button or closing a window.”

So is your marriage doomed if your husband isn’t a fan of your BFFs? Definitely not, according to Geter and Martinez, but you might have to manage expectations on both sides. One key way to approach it is to have couple friends and individual friends, neither of which have to mingle.

In fact, it’s a good idea to have your own set of pals for support. “I encourage women to have friends outside of the couple relationship as well as hobbies outside of her husband’s interest. Not only does this allow distance for you to miss your husband, but it also provides opportunities for sharing when you are together,” Geter says. “Since you have your own personal friend group outside of the couple friend group, this may limit how often your husband is around those friends.”

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From: Reader’s Digest by Lindsay Tigar

Is It Normal to Have a Crush When You’re in a Relationship?

Certain (annoying) people love to brag about how they tell their partner everything, as if a 100 percent disclosure rate is the key to a perfectly healthy relationship (it isn’t). There are some things you don’t necessarily need to tell your partner — like, for instance, how you think the guy who always spells your name wrong on your Starbucks cup is actually really cute. A spoiler: Having little crushes on people, even when you’re in the happiest relationship of your life, is both very common, and very normal. But if the feelings persist or you feel tempted to cross a line, those feelings are a sign that you need to ask yourself how happy you actually are with your current partner.

To ease everyone’s general concern about which feelings you’re allowed to have when you’re in a relationship, Rachel Sussman, a New York-based therapist and relationship expert, cleared up the air when it comes to the very messy territory of navigating extra-relationship crushes.

Drawing a line between crush and Crush

The definition of “having a crush” is extremely broad. A crush can be something as simple and light as a flittery feeling in your chest when you notice the cute barista is working at your local coffeeshop, or a deeper feeling of near-infatuation you feel for your “friend” in class who you’ve been studying with on a more frequent basis.

Sussman said the first definition, or having a light crush on a stranger or near-stranger, is perfectly harmless. “As human beings, we’re very visual,” she said. “We love a beautiful piece of art, we admire beauty. There’s nothing wrong with admiring a beautiful person on the street.” She even added that there’s nothing wrong with some mild flirting, as might be the case with the aforementioned cute barista. It’s fun to flirt! It’s a confidence boost! Go for it!

But, of course, flirting can cross a line if you’re in a monogamous, closed relationship with someone. Like, let’s say you start feeling like you have a crush on a coworker, or someone you know relatively well and see almost every day. It’s one thing to notice someone else is hot and want to flirt with that person almost as a sport, but it’s another for a crush to deepen into feelings that may cause distress in your relationship.

Sussman’s rule of thumb is that if it’s causing you distress, and doesn’t feel like a fleeting thing, you should take a step back and examine your relationship. Are you as happy as you say you are? Did something shift recently that caused the dynamic to change. Sussman mentioned things like a new job, starting grad school, moving to college, etc. can often cause a partner to feel neglected, or like they’re receiving less attention than they once were. Or if this is a relationship you’ve been in for a long time, maybe the crush that won’t go away is a sign that your tastes or personality has changed, and you and your partner are no longer fitting together like you once did.

“Oftentimes, the crush is just the tip of the iceberg,” Sussman said. “If you’re developing feelings for someone else, there may be something broken with your relationship.”

The case for not disclosing your crush

All this said, you shouldn’t rush home and immediately tell your partner about the cute barista (unless you’re in a relationship where discussing sexual fantasies like that is totally cool), or the actual crush you have on a coworker or someone more serious. Sussman’s advice is to figure out your own feelings before disclosing everything to your partner.

“Don’t go home and vomit this information unless you understand what’s behind it,” she said. “Oftentimes, these things can be very innocent, and once you put that out there that there’s someone you have a crush on, it’s very hard for the person that you give that information to to process it and let it go. You might be able to work it out and move on, but your [partner] might not be able to.”

If it turns out that the crush is actually something serious — like you have real feelings for someone else that you feel compelled to explore, or you realize that the crush is a sign you aren’t happy in your relationship — then that’s the conversation you should have with your partner. As Sussman said, the crush feelings for this other person are just (in some cases) the visible symptom of a deeper issue with your relationship.

Sussman also said these little crushes happen all the time — both with couples who’ve been together for decades, and with couples who’ve been together for a month. For the latter category, she would prompt you to ask yourself if you’re still in “singles mode,” and just aren’t yet used to being in a monogamous situation. Or maybe it’s that, a month in, you realize a closed relationship isn’t what you want. If that’s the case — don’t be in one! Her advice is to “play the field,” keep dating, and have as many crushes as your little heart can handle.

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From: Cosmo India by Hannah Smothers