Felt better talking to you today! Well worth my time and money! –Stan from the Netherlands

Went from being a depressed and insecure guy to gaining back my life. Thanks Cristine for your invaluable insights- Paul from the UK

Selena Gomez on WHY she took back Justin Bieber

Selena Gomez finally broke her silence on her rekindled romance with Justin Bieber. In an interview with Billboard, the 25-year-old singer opened up about why she was drawn back to her former flame and how things are different the second time around.

Gomez—who dated Bieber on-and-off from 2010 to 2014 and recently reconnected with him—cited time as the reason the two were able to spark things up again, despite a toxic romantic history.

“I’m 25. I’m not 18, or 19, or 20. I cherish people who have really impacted my life,” Gomez said. “So maybe before, it could have been forcing something that wasn’t right. But that doesn’t mean caring for someone ever goes away.”

 

The singer also referenced her reconnected friendships with former Disney Channel stars, such as Demi LovatoMiley Cyrus, and Nick and Joe Jonas, as other examples of how she’s developed a different outlook on life from when she first began dating Bieber.

“And [that goes for] people in general. I mean, I grew up with Demi. Nick and Joe and Miley—we’ve gone through seasons in our lives,” she said. “I don’t think it’s as serious as people make things out to be half the time. It’s just my life. I grew up with all of these people, and it’s so cool to see where everybody is. It comes back to the idea of me remaining full.”

Gomez also touched on her relationship with The Weeknd, who she dated for roughly 11 months before she reconnected with Bieber. Despite The Weeknd recently deleting all pictures with Gomez on social media, the “Fetish” singer insisted that the two are still friends.

“Something that I’m really proud of is that there’s such a true friendship,” Gomez said. “I truly have never experienced anything like that in my life. We ended it as best friends, and it was genuinely about encouraging and caring [for each other], and that was pretty remarkable for me.”

Though Gomez didn’t confirm nor deny her relationship with Bieber, from the sound of it, she did have a lot of nice things to say about him. We hope the two the best if they do decide to re-spark their relationship.

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From: Style Caster

WHO PAYS ON DATES?

I understand why money is such a huge deal in relationships. It doesn’t have to be but it is. Society normally dictates that the man should pay for everything. But this isn’t always feasible because well…. life happens. There’s the mortgage, the groceries, the pet food for your chihuahua, and the cost of getting your roof repaired, among so many other things!

Sometime into the dating relationship when the rose tinted glasses start to clear up, both parties are stuck with the reality that the guy’s salary is pretty much average, and using this salary to also maintain dating expenses is unrealistic. Women who have grown accustomed to the man always paying for everything should give themselves a slap on the face! Because that financial fairytale isn’t the real world. Unless your guy is Donald Trump or is Mark Zuckerberg, there shouldn’t be reason for you to always expect him to cough up cash on every date. Can you imagine just how much he’ll be able to save for the future if he keeps spending for every dinner/ movie/ holiday that you guys have? Nothing. The steak dinners, anniversary and monthsary gifts add up to so much in a year. How much more if you’ve been together for awhile?

So what do you do then?

You CONTRIBUTE. 

That’s right. A relationship is a partnership after all and not a dictatorship. But how do you get over the awkwardness of it all? You know that moment when the bill comes and you’re trying to decide whether to suggest going Dutch or just paying it yourself?

Here are a couple of my suggestions to make it less awkward for couples:

  1. PULL OUT YOUR WALLET WHEN THE BILL COMES. And lay down the value of your meal’s worth. This will prompt him to also pay for his share. It isn’t too complicated and it’s fair. Just don’t make a fuss about it.
  2. WHEN THE GUY PAYS FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY “I’LL GET IT!.” Then offer to pay for the next activity. Like a movie. This eases up the guy’s wallet and saves him a trip to the nearest ATM. If he pays for the movie, get the popcorn and drinks.
  3. WHEN YOU’RE BOTH BROKE BUT WANT TO BUY PRESENTS FOR EACH OTHER. Do the $10 challenge! When at a mall, agree to buy each other a gift worth $10 and come back after an hour to exchange. This is a fun way to flex your creativity and think about what your significant other will appreciate.
  4. HAVE A COMMON DATE FUND. Some couples have a piggy bank or a bank account where they put their extra cash and this is what they spend for their dates. Raising money for this fund (which can also extend to a travel fund) may encourage the couple to work together to increase the amount in their joint wallet.
  5. GO ON INEXPENSIVE DATES. Netflix and chilling is so underrated. Order in or cook together and STAY AT HOME. Save the adventurous and expensive activities on days when you have a surplus of cash.

 

Hope this helps!

 

xoxo,

Cristine

STASHING is this new millenial dating trend

 

Since social media is a HUGE part of our lives these days, it comes as no surprise that when you’re not Facebook official, there is no way that you can consider yourself as a girlfriend. What does this mean for you then? You’re being STASHED girl! 

Yup. It’s this new millenial term for hiding you away from the Internet, and basically all others who matter to him.

You know you’re being stashed when three months have gone by and you have never met ANY of his friends or family members. You have tons of photos of you two in his phone, but he has never posted a single one. But he posts photos of his dog, his cat, and a selfie with his female colleague on a daily basis. You have gone out several times, have kissed, had sex and basically done anything couples would do but nobody from his circle has ever heard of you.

Here’s why this sucks.

You’re so invested in him and his life and are literally itching to tag him in that photo you took together. You want to drop by his house and bring him his favorite sandwich. You want to get to know his friends and attend parties with him. You want to drop by his work place and give him the suit that he left at your apartment while greeting his office mates.

But you can’t. 

You can’t because he’s stashing you. You can’t because you don’t want to scare him away and make him think that you’re excited at the idea of a relationship.

But the truth is, you like him (or you love him) and you ARE EXCITED. You want to be with him and get involved in his life and everyone in it.

But why is he stashing you in the first place? Because he wants to justify going out with other women while not under your watch and anyone else’s. Plain and simple. So if you think you’re the only one, unless he’s assured you that you are, and you believe him, then he’s probably out there chilling with someone else while you’re at home Netflixing by yourself.

So how do you get promoted to being the woman he can brag about?

YOU. ASK. HIM. 

After a couple of months in and you’re still pining over what your relationship status might be, you ask him straight to the point. It can be as casual and cool as “Listen, whatever this is, if you’re not planning to be with me for the long haul, then I have to bounce.”

If he responds positively and says that he wants you in his life, then CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW PROMOTION!!!

But what if he says, “No. I’m not that guy.”

Then you only have one other option really.

LEAVE.

Leave because you’ve known him long enough for him to make up his mind. Leave because he’s definitely taking you and your time for granted. Leave because life is too short for you to spend time evaluating your self-worth. Leave because there are tons of guys out there who have no concept of stashing and are willing to jump at the chance to brag about you to the world. Go for a man like this. You’re lovely, smart, and worth being shown the world as someone’s partner. Don’t settle for anything less.

xoxo,

Cristine.

 

Goal Setting in Relationships

Setting goals with your partner can be a double-edged sword. On one end, when you achieve them you feel joy and exhilaration for having realized a dream or aspiration. On the other hand, when you fail to meet them, you may face disappointment as you are forced to reevaluate your ambitions. When it comes to your relationship, setting achievable goals with a tone of collaboration can help enrich each other’s lives and support the bond between you and your partner.

The Anatomy of Relationships

No relationship is the same, and just like people change over time, so does a relationship. According to Donald Peterson, contributing author of “Goal Concepts in Personality and Social Psychology,” there are five general stages that can be distinguished in the development of close relationships: acquaintance, buildup, continuation, deterioration and ending. Obviously not all relationships go through all stages, but the changes in goals from one stage to another are critical in determining the course a relationship will follow.

Stephen John Read and Lynn Carol Miller, also contributing authors of “Goal Concepts in Personality and Social Psychology,” recount how individuals may base their projections of what a relationship might be like with someone in part on how each other’s life goals will mesh with one other. The idea that “opposites attract” has been debunked by research showing how “most married couples tend to be more alike than different in regards to life goals, interests, values and personality dispositions, as well as education, economic status, and other sociological variables.” In other words, when evaluating a prospective partner, people look at how they can accomplish goals in common, for example having intellectually stimulating conversations, having children, etc.

 

Goal-Setting Strategies

Relationship goals can cover the gamut, including areas such as problem solving, emotional support, financial goals, creating a family, etc. One way to set goals in your relationship is by having a weekly meeting with your significant other to go over the upcoming week and set a ‘to-do’ list of items for each other. Then, review those same items from the past week and move forward anything still needing to be completed. As part of this process, share three positive things big or small that your partner did that you liked in the past week, and one negative thing you would like them to consider working on. In time, you will have created a habit of openly talking about where things are with your relationship, and where you want them to be.

Another way to set goals with your significant other is by applying some of the guidelines set forth in “Goal Setting: How to Create an Action Plan and Achieve Your Goals.” Authors Susan B. Wilson and Michael S. Dobson recommend writing them down in specific measurable terms, so that you can visualize and achieve them with realistic deadlines. As part of defining these goals, make sure to keep them manageable and actionable, as well as include a regular review of their progress. Reward desired behavior, reinforce successes however big or small and provide feedback when correction is needed. When correcting, do so in private and be specific, focusing on the error and not the person to avoid grudges and keep a healthy outlook. Develop objectives for both the short and long term.

 

From Extrinsic to Intrinsic Motivation

In a study published in the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,” researchers examined the connection between relationship satisfaction and self-regulation. “Individuals experiencing higher levels of satisfaction in their relationship exhibit higher levels of perceived control, goal focus, perceived partner support, and positive affect during goal pursuit.” This results in higher rates of daily progress on personal goals. In other words, as your relationship satisfaction increases, so does your motivation to effectively self-regulate your actions and progress toward achieving your goals.

According to Peterson, goals between partners tend to converge to the extent that transformations occur mutually. For example, “a person who initially stopped smoking to please a partner may genuinely come to find smoking abhorrent.” Changes in personal dispositions of this kind are independent of the relationship, and when they occur they can reduce the demands for accommodation by shifting the motivation from an extrinsic to an intrinsic place. Keep in mind that any union is limited by the biological needs and personal goals of the individuals in the relationship, so revisiting them on a regular basis can keep interests and values aligned in the long term.

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From: Live Strong by Raquel Villareal