Should you have SEX on the First Date?

This is quite a controversial topic since everyone will tell you left and right NOT TO DO IT. To some extent, I agree. But on the flip side, there’s also that voice that tells you to QUIT PLAYING MIND GAMES and just do what you honestly feel. Women, in particular, are hounded by this. We women are always stuck with having to use our brain, our heart or our libido. Here, I will outline what you should consider before picking either option.

WHY YOU SHOULDN’T DO IT:

  • Because you have to get to know the person more before you decide to let him/her into such an intimate part of your life. For the ladies, you don’t want to give him a freebie for simply knowing you. You feel that he has to earn it. Besides, the chasing game can be fun, if you have a lot of time to spare.

 

  • Because sex comes with consequences. You don’t want to contract an STD (God forbid!) or get pregnant by/ father someone who is not invested in you or you’re not invested in. I know of a girl who slept with someone on her first Tinder date. She got pregnant and when she told the father of the baby, he completely disowned her and the child. This wouldn’t have been the case if he got to know her on a deeper level and really established (at least) a friendship with her. She’s now raising the child on her own, which is a brave thing to do… but also extremely difficult.

 

  • Because the age old adage may be true“Easy come easy go.” A lot of men I have talked to say that the easier it is to sleep with a woman, the easier it is for them to leave her. A male friend of mine said “If it’s easy for her to sleep with me, I can’t shake off the idea of how many others were there like me she had already gone to bed with on the first date.” The feminist side of me felt like arguing my way around this statement, but apparently, a lot of men agree.

 

  • Because you want to keep your reputation. If men sleep around, he’s branded as someone full of machismo. He’s considered as an idol among his male peers. But, put a woman in his shoes, and she’s immediately branded a slut. I am completely against slut shaming, but this is something that society hasn’t refigured yet. It’s just something we have to roll with, and protesting is out of the question.

 

WHY YOU SHOULD DO IT:

  • Because life is short and you wouldn’t want to waste your time. This is pretty self-explanatory. Who knows when you will meet this person again? By the time you do, you may not have the same feelings towards him anymore. Also, as some of my male friends point out, “Before you buy the car, you have to test drive it.” Same concept applies to sex. You don’t want to invest a whole lot of feelings for this person, and then find out months later that you’re far from being sexually compatible.

 

  • Because your attraction level is so strong and you just can’t help yourself. You may have known this person for quite a while, and you may be so physically attracted. When this happens, you chuck out the decision making struggle and just go with it.

 

  • Because you want to be true to yourself. Enough with the mind games. You want his person and you want him/her NOW.

 

  • Because it’s been so long. You’ve been out of the dating scene for awhile and the idea of someone coming on to you is just too irresistible. You tell yourself, just this once, like it isn’t gonna hurt in the morning.

 

  • Because you don’t care what people say. What you do is your business. Not theirs. In your mind, they’re just jealous because they’re not getting some. And you are!

 

A FINAL WORD. 

Whatever it is you decide to choose, just know that either option comes with its own set of benefits and consequences. Just always be SAFE. Wear condoms, take your pills, whatever floats your boat. At the end of the day, experiences, whatever they may be, influence our future in one way or the other. It’s all up to you what you make of it.

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EMAIL ME: breakupcoachonline@gmail.com

Should I date someone I met online?

Online dating has always gotten a bad rep because there are a lot of people out there who ruin it for us. What with reports regarding date rape and the spread of HIV, who wouldn’t be scared of dating someone you meet online? Especially if you’re a woman on the prowl.

But here’s what they don’t tell you.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.

There will always be bad people walking this planet. Your job is to look out for yourself and detect when something isn’t quite right.

On the flip side of things, there are far more good people in this world than there are bad. What if it works out? What if this person is the one you’re looking for? Then you would definitely regret not having given him/her a chance to get to know you. Whether or not the relationship built transcends into something romantic, at least you have gained a new friend, or a new member of your network.

I know of several people who have successful relationships borne from the internet. There are those who live continents apart and managed to make it work. There are even those that never blossomed into romance, but they ended up being good friends or even business partners. Technology should be used to communicate and forge relationships that would never have happened.

But how do you go on a date with someone you met online without being paranoid? Here are a couple of tips.

  • Find a common friend. I generally would trust someone I met online if we had at least ONE common friend who could vouch for him. Before a date, I would probably milk said common friend of any information I could get so I would know what to expect.
  • But what if you don’t have a common friend? Establish a relationship with him online for a little longer. It’s important that you get to know more personal details about your date for security and safety purposes. In the event you do decide to go out with him, you should leave any information that you can with a trusted friend. This way, if anything bad comes up, they would know where to find you.
  • Take a photo of your date and send it to your friend. Again, for emergency purposes.
  • Don’t try to over impress him. If you’re interested, it’s best to show him the real you instead of putting up a front. When you’re yourself, you enjoy the experience so much more. Remember: at the end of the day, your goal is to gain a new friend, and not necessarily a new boyfriend just yet.
  • Wear something comfortable. There’s nothing more annoying than having to pull down your skirt when it climbs up your butt, or having to constantly cover your cleavage. Trust me, your dating experience will fare much better when you dress more comfortably and decently rather than slutty. This way, you also won’t be bothered by your date constantly checking out your chest.
  • Have fun. This is a choice. It’s your choice to make the most of any experience and online dating turned real life is no different. Stop overanalyzing every single move he makes and just take it for what it is. If you’re worried about the kind of impression you’re making, he probably is too. Relax and enjoy. Treat him like you would a friend and everything will be easier.

xoxo,

Cristine

 

Gifts to Get HIM for Christmas

Looking for a Christmas gift for him? Not sure what to get? Not sure if he will love it? Personally, I think that buying gifts for men is frustratingly challenging. I mean, how many shoes can he possibly want? How many more gadgets does he need? To make it easier for you, I compiled a list of COOLER THAN COOL gifts to get for him this Christmas. Whether it be your husband, boyfriend and even your Dad or little brother. To suit all budgets. Click on the photos to order hassle-free!

Happy shopping!

1. Apple iPhone X, Fully Unlocked 5.8″, 256 GB – Silver

$ 1, 394

2.Kodak Dock & Wi-Fi 4×6″ Photo Printer with Advanced Patent Dye Sublimation Printing Technology & Photo Preservation Overcoat Layer – Compatible with Android & iOS

$139.99

3.Prynt Pocket, Instant Photo Printer for iPhone – Cool Grey (PW310001-CG)

$ 149.99

4.Tom Ford Black Orchid Cologne by Tom Ford for Men. Eau De Parfum Spray 1.7 Oz / 50 Ml Unboxed

$ 146.36

5.Versace Collection Men’s Leather Belt (32us / 85eu, Black)

$ 225

6. Liquor Decanter – Scotch Whiskey Decanter – 1150ml Dispenser for Alcohol – Vodka, Bourbon, Rum, Wine, Whiskey, Tequila or Even Mouthwash – Glass (Constellation1797 from Prestige Decanters)

$120

7. Patek Philippe Cufflinks

$ 79.99

8. Love your Mondays and Retire Young

$ 14.66

9. Timex Men’s T49905 Expedition Rugged Field Chronograph Black/Brown Leather Strap Watch

$ 51.61

10. Nike Mens Sportswear Pull Over Club Hooded Sweatshirt – Medium – Black/White

$ 47. 99

11. Mens Nike Air Monarch IV Training Shoe White/Metallic Silver/Midnight Navy Size 11

$ 66.45

 

12. Air Jordan Ultimate Gift Of Flight Pantone Pack Retro XI Men’s Shoes Blue/White/Black 717602-900 (11 D(M) US)

$ 1,061.50

13. Audio Technica AT-LP60BK Fully Automatic Belt-Drive Stereo Turntable, Black

$ 89.00

13. 90L Large Travel Hiking Camping Military Tactical Backpack Rucksack Luggage Bag

$ 63.97

14. Marshall Stockwell Portable Bluetooth Speaker with Case, Black (4091451)

$ 198

15. Bluetooth Headphones, Wireless Earbuds Stereo Earphone Cordless Sport Headsets for Apple AirPods iphone 8, 8 plus, X, 7, 7 plus, 6s, 6S Plus -White

$ 72.99

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How to Deal When Your Woman Earns More Than You?

As a female lawyer, I’m one of the lucky ones. I am blessed to have a partner who understands the career choice that I have made and doesn’t give me flak for it. He never makes me feel that I should tone down my intelligence and for me, that’s why our relationship works. Even though I potentially earn more than he does on a regular basis.

But when I was in lawschool, I dated men who just couldn’t deal. My ex boyfriend would constantly feel insecure that I would leave him for someone else more successful and stereotypically career-driven. He was a graphic artist you see, and didn’t make a considerable amount of cash since any project given was mostly based on referrals. While I understood his situation and only cared for how he treated me, my ambitions and his just didn’t match. He was happy where he was, and while I was fine with that, he constantly prevented me from reaching my own goals. Needless to say, that relationship failed.

Fast forward to today, and I am constantly being asked how my man deals.

Here’s our thoughts on the matter.

When the woman earns more than her man, the latter should just consider himself blessed. Society has always taught us to be inferior to men, but times have drastically changed and that isn’t the case. Men, on the other hand, have been bred to always be superior to women. But the truth is, we can do whatever men can, if not better. We can raise a family on our own without their help. We aren’t confined anymore to the four corners of a regular household. These days you see women in male dominated industries. You see women in the legal profession, racing cars, arguing with fellow politicians in the Senate, building businesses, or shooting guns at military camps.

So what does this mean for the man? If her personality trumps yours, you only have two options. Whether you stay where you are. Or go where she is going. If you have a woman earning more than you, you tend to be more inspired to hustle. You are now made aware that being inferior just won’t cut it. That being mediocre won’t pay the bills. Instead of sulking about your current situation, use the influence your partner has over you to motivate you and push you harder to achieve your own goals.

Real men are not intimidated by a woman’s success. They step up to meet it.

I have many female lawyer friends who are single but they are wonderful women. They’re gorgeous, smart and have an amazing sense of humour to boot. But they’re single because no man could ever deal with their ambitions. But here’s what I always tell them:

A relationship is a partnership and not a competition.

It’s okay to be single instead of being with someone who sees you as a competitor. From how I see it, when any relationship leads to marriage, having an intelligent, career-driven woman helps the man deal with managing the household more efficiently. The bills are paid and obligations are shared. As a bonus, since the woman has something going for her, there would also be less time for conflict. She won’t feel like she’s selling herself short and is less likely to start blaming her partner for not being able to go after her own dreams.

In my current relationship, we hardly ever argue. I chalk it up to the fact that because we have our own respective careers to think of, there’s just no room for negativity. Instead of berating each other and putting each other down, we lift each other up. Instead of blaming each other, we share the blame for any bumps on the road. Instead of arguing over any financial hiccups, we find a way to get out of it… together.

Train yourself to always see the positive and the good of every situation. If you’re with an intelligent woman, congratulations! You found yourself an amazing partner who won’t settle for mediocrity. Consider her a blessing to keep you on track towards making your dreams come true. And if you’re a woman reading this, never spread yourself too thin. The world is yours. And let no man tell you otherwise.

xoxo,

Cristine.

 

Things that POWER COUPLES do

You probably know a couple that you look up to. You know, you see them and wonder how they can keep their relationship afloat. Not only do they look good together and are successful, they also have a genuinely strong bond. They may not be perfect, but somehow, they manage to make it work. Think Jay-z and Beyonce. The following are the best practices that would make any couple great. Follow these to a T and you’re well on your way to taking over the world with your partner.

 

  1. They APPRECIATE each other. Now, you might think this is pretty obvious because hey, you’re WITH this person right? Of course you appreciate him/her! But not all people let their appreciation be felt. In fact, some of them don’t even know they need to show it, let alone act appreciatively. Most relationship problems actually often begin this way- when someone doesn’t appreciate the other. This could lead to unhappiness and an overall lack of drive to be productive. But showing appreciation makes a world of a difference in making your significant other have a healthy perception of himself/herself. We all have self-doubts but when your partner shows you or tells you that you matter, it suddenly gives you a little something more to live for. It makes getting up in the morning easier to do too- knowing that you matter to someone. It boosts their overall self-esteem and shows that you’re not taking them for granted.

  1. They give CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISMS. First of all, be KIND. You are with this person not to be mean to him/her. A relationship is supposed to improve your life and not destroy it. You’re supposed to feel good about yourself and not the other way round. But there are indeed instances when someone will mess up driving you into a rage where you start calling each other names. Not only is this unhealthy, exhibiting reactive behavior leads to words said that you may not intend. So before you start picking on your partner for a mistake made or a behavior that you simply did not like, assess first the consequences of opening your mouth and bite your tongue for 5 seconds. If you must, then be conscious of what you say. Instead of picking on him/her as a person, point out the ACT which pissed you off. He isn’t stupid, but the thing he did was stupid. Always remember that behavior does not necessarily equate to the individual as a person. Mistakes happen. Bad things happen. But deal with them kindly, calmly and as rationally as you can.

  1. They make GOAL SETTING a habit. My partner and I have this regular goal setting date where we sit down to give updates about our individual lives and what we want for the future. We even make lists of the type of businesses we would want to own and the countries that we want to visit. We have actually made some of those dreams come true! This works because you’re more encouraged to reach for your goals when you are with someone going through the same struggle. You are with someone who will also be affected by a failure. This gives you a bigger sense of responsibility as a couple because it’s not just about you alone anymore. It’s about both of you.

  1. They SUPPORT each other. This is one of the obvious factors, but not something that ALL couples realize. By simply telling your partner that you believe in him/her works wonders in boosting their self-confidence. By supporting one another, you are giving off the message that you will help your partner achieve his/her dreams, no matter how big and seemingly unrealistic they may be. Your presence and support means the difference when winning something as simple as a basketball game to building a company from the ground up. Behind every person we consider successful is a group of people who served as an inspiration. Be that inspiration.

  1. They are QUICK TO APOLOGIZE. You know what one of the most unproductive things a lot of couples do? They prolong fights. They don’t stop arguing in circles and usually about arguments that cannot be resolved. Chalk it up to human nature where we’re wired to want to always be right. While arguments are inevitable, wasting time is a choice. Instead of arguing about the petty stuff, why not put your energy into something mmore productive? Keep in mind that a relationship is not a video game where someone has to be the winner. The sooner that you can swallow your pride and apologize (assuming you’re in the wrong), the sooner can you spend more time building your empire.

  1. They continue to FLIRT with each other. Once you get comfortable in a relationship, you may tend to feel lazy, always trusting that your partner knows everything there is to know, so there is no need for surprise. But the lack of passion and romance proves to be an effective buzzkill that destroys the spark that was once there. Even when busy, never stop thinking, doing, saying what your partner fell in love with you in the first place. Show your adoration as much as you can. It never gets old.

  1. They have INDIVIDUAL LIVES. It’s easy to fall in the trap of only hanging out with your significant other and forgetting that there are other people in the universe. But this isn’t healthy. We all need to interact with different types of people. We need to have an extra activity that we can do outside of work that our partner may not be interested in. If he likes to play golf with his buddies, let him. If you want to go shopping with the ladies, he should also let you. A perfect relationship is one where you’re still yourself but with someone who complements who you already are.

 

xoxo,

Cristine.

 

WHO PAYS ON DATES?

I understand why money is such a huge deal in relationships. It doesn’t have to be but it is. Society normally dictates that the man should pay for everything. But this isn’t always feasible because well…. life happens. There’s the mortgage, the groceries, the pet food for your chihuahua, and the cost of getting your roof repaired, among so many other things!

Sometime into the dating relationship when the rose tinted glasses start to clear up, both parties are stuck with the reality that the guy’s salary is pretty much average, and using this salary to also maintain dating expenses is unrealistic. Women who have grown accustomed to the man always paying for everything should give themselves a slap on the face! Because that financial fairytale isn’t the real world. Unless your guy is Donald Trump or is Mark Zuckerberg, there shouldn’t be reason for you to always expect him to cough up cash on every date. Can you imagine just how much he’ll be able to save for the future if he keeps spending for every dinner/ movie/ holiday that you guys have? Nothing. The steak dinners, anniversary and monthsary gifts add up to so much in a year. How much more if you’ve been together for awhile?

So what do you do then?

You CONTRIBUTE. 

That’s right. A relationship is a partnership after all and not a dictatorship. But how do you get over the awkwardness of it all? You know that moment when the bill comes and you’re trying to decide whether to suggest going Dutch or just paying it yourself?

Here are a couple of my suggestions to make it less awkward for couples:

  1. PULL OUT YOUR WALLET WHEN THE BILL COMES. And lay down the value of your meal’s worth. This will prompt him to also pay for his share. It isn’t too complicated and it’s fair. Just don’t make a fuss about it.
  2. WHEN THE GUY PAYS FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY “I’LL GET IT!.” Then offer to pay for the next activity. Like a movie. This eases up the guy’s wallet and saves him a trip to the nearest ATM. If he pays for the movie, get the popcorn and drinks.
  3. WHEN YOU’RE BOTH BROKE BUT WANT TO BUY PRESENTS FOR EACH OTHER. Do the $10 challenge! When at a mall, agree to buy each other a gift worth $10 and come back after an hour to exchange. This is a fun way to flex your creativity and think about what your significant other will appreciate.
  4. HAVE A COMMON DATE FUND. Some couples have a piggy bank or a bank account where they put their extra cash and this is what they spend for their dates. Raising money for this fund (which can also extend to a travel fund) may encourage the couple to work together to increase the amount in their joint wallet.
  5. GO ON INEXPENSIVE DATES. Netflix and chilling is so underrated. Order in or cook together and STAY AT HOME. Save the adventurous and expensive activities on days when you have a surplus of cash.

 

Hope this helps!

 

xoxo,

Cristine

STASHING is this new millenial dating trend

 

Since social media is a HUGE part of our lives these days, it comes as no surprise that when you’re not Facebook official, there is no way that you can consider yourself as a girlfriend. What does this mean for you then? You’re being STASHED girl! 

Yup. It’s this new millenial term for hiding you away from the Internet, and basically all others who matter to him.

You know you’re being stashed when three months have gone by and you have never met ANY of his friends or family members. You have tons of photos of you two in his phone, but he has never posted a single one. But he posts photos of his dog, his cat, and a selfie with his female colleague on a daily basis. You have gone out several times, have kissed, had sex and basically done anything couples would do but nobody from his circle has ever heard of you.

Here’s why this sucks.

You’re so invested in him and his life and are literally itching to tag him in that photo you took together. You want to drop by his house and bring him his favorite sandwich. You want to get to know his friends and attend parties with him. You want to drop by his work place and give him the suit that he left at your apartment while greeting his office mates.

But you can’t. 

You can’t because he’s stashing you. You can’t because you don’t want to scare him away and make him think that you’re excited at the idea of a relationship.

But the truth is, you like him (or you love him) and you ARE EXCITED. You want to be with him and get involved in his life and everyone in it.

But why is he stashing you in the first place? Because he wants to justify going out with other women while not under your watch and anyone else’s. Plain and simple. So if you think you’re the only one, unless he’s assured you that you are, and you believe him, then he’s probably out there chilling with someone else while you’re at home Netflixing by yourself.

So how do you get promoted to being the woman he can brag about?

YOU. ASK. HIM. 

After a couple of months in and you’re still pining over what your relationship status might be, you ask him straight to the point. It can be as casual and cool as “Listen, whatever this is, if you’re not planning to be with me for the long haul, then I have to bounce.”

If he responds positively and says that he wants you in his life, then CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW PROMOTION!!!

But what if he says, “No. I’m not that guy.”

Then you only have one other option really.

LEAVE.

Leave because you’ve known him long enough for him to make up his mind. Leave because he’s definitely taking you and your time for granted. Leave because life is too short for you to spend time evaluating your self-worth. Leave because there are tons of guys out there who have no concept of stashing and are willing to jump at the chance to brag about you to the world. Go for a man like this. You’re lovely, smart, and worth being shown the world as someone’s partner. Don’t settle for anything less.

xoxo,

Cristine.